Highs and Lows

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i’m struggling to stay fucking calm, to sober up and realize that you love me despite the highs and lows. i feel like these vices are what keep me in the loop, insane enough, ever ready to send me to mars when life’s bullshit stares me point blank in the face. i think i’m obsessed with the idea that there’s a moment of bliss, lurking in the corners, waiting for that predestined moment to pop up and make me smile smiles of rainbows and stars as i float. but who am i kidding? it’s a fucking pipe dream, i’ll never be satisfied, i’ll always want more and some fucking more and i don’t think there’s indeed a place of true certainty. i mean, if i don’t find my happy now in this shit show, they say it’s probably never gonna happen right? i’m pretty sure i’ll keep fighting for my life until i turn to dust and i’m not trying to be negative, it’s just the reality of my life and others. in the end, i’m doing what i can now, fucking living and sometimes i believe, other times like thomas, i fucking don’t and that’s okay. if i rise or fall, you say you’re with me either way my life fucking goes and i guess i’ll stick with that.

Picture: modernvices.bandcamp.com

Inspiration: ill Mind of Hopsin 7

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